Today, as I was scrolling through some of my photos from NXN last year, I recaptured something I haven't felt before a race in quite awhile. Pure, untainted excitement. Going into many of my races, I've experienced great trepidation, whether it was because of the competitors who would be on the course with me, the difficulty of the race itself, or the expectations of my friends and leaders. The last race I truly felt confident and excited for was probably Arcadia last spring, or Highland this fall. I went into Arcadia confident of my abilities, happy to be in California with Maddie, one of my best friends and beloved teammates, and honored to be racing on the same track as many amazing athletes. Highland did not hold any great pressures for me. It was only meant to be a tune-up, and I was goofing around with teammates, laughing and enjoying myself beforehand. I still got some pre-race jitters before both meets, but it was nowhere near the crushing anxiety and panic I felt leading up to Bob Firman and the state meet, and I didn't come out of either of them feeling the exhaustion, both mental and physical, that I experienced after Firman and state.
So here's my goal for every race from now on, whether it be a Thanksgiving Turkey Trot or my first college conference meet: Enjoy it. I started getting more serious about this sport in the first place because, despite the fact that I went home completely drained after hard workouts, I had killer tan lines, and I ate like a long haul trucker, I loved the way it made me feel. I got excited to run before every race. I was happy to be there in the moment, and when I had bad days, I had my coaches and friends to encourage me. The moment that racing started to become more about winning or setting PR's, it started losing some of its enjoyment. So, starting today, I am going to attempt to forget the competition, forget the setbacks, and recapture the joy one can only experience when they are running for the love of it, and running for themselves.
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