Feelin' 22

Last weekend was a pretty big step for the team.  We faced off against BYU for the first time in the season, and going in we had very high expectations for ourselves.  The BYU women were ranked top 10 in the nation going into the season, so beating them would be a great way to prove that we were well on our way to being the first cross team from USU to qualify for nationals.  Coach gave us a fairly straightforward race plan, and we executed it exactly as he hoped we would.  Our women ended up winning the meet and beating BYU by nine points.  The ladies all worked together and encouraged each other throughout the race, and the strength of our team really showed.  There are still quite a few naysayers-apparently a little girl told one of my teammates that we had simply gotten lucky and that BYU would rub our noses in it next time we faced off (Fortunately I wasn't around for this because it would have reflected very badly on USU for me to be throwing hands at a sassy ten-year-old)-but that's just motivation for us to keep working and not take this small victory as a reason to slack off.

Whole lotta Aggies all in a bunch, just how we like it

As excited as we all were that day, it didn't quite compare to the hype in our group chat a few days later when regional rankings and the results of the coaches poll came out.  We are currently ranking third in the mountain region behind only Colorado and New Mexico, and we jumped eight spots in the national poll to reach the highest ranking of any USU team at twenty-second.  When I opened the link to the results of the coaches' poll for this week, I threw up just a little bit.  But you best believe we're just getting started.  Next week, if you happen to be in the Bethlehem, PA area, feel free to swing by the Paul Short invite and check out your favorite Aggies at work.  (Also, please pray for my soul and my travel companions because based on the amount of traveling we will be doing to reach Pennsylvania, the odds of me not being an ill-tempered gnome with swollen ankles do not look great).  Side note, Coach actually has enough faith in our abilities to clean up well post-race that he's arranged for us to go to Phantom of the Opera on Broadway Friday night, and if you don't think I've already planned one full outfit and multiple backups because this is the fanciest thing that's ever happened to me, you're as wrong as I'm going to be road-ugly.

Plz take a moment to note how cute our mascot is #ILYBlue

The final thing that came out of this weekend, though not a huge moment in the long run, was a big moment for me.  If you have happened to follow my running career through college (bless your souls), you'll know that it has been dynamic to say the least, and not exactly in a good way up until the last few months.  My first two collegiate cross seasons were heavily marked by injury, self-doubt, crippling anxiety and a case of the depressies that hopped on board uninvited every time I had a bad race or got injured like that casual acquaintance that always seems to know when you're having a party where food will be provided and just mysteriously turns up.  Coming into this season, I had a lot of concerns that the nasty cycle of self-doubt and defeat would start up again, and I would have to rely on my backup plan in case running didn't work out.  (Go trolling through yacht clubs during the California meets and pick up a rich husband).  Also, I was straight up panicked that my season would blow up in my face, then all of the internet trolls and h8rs would come crawling out of the woodwork to say how they were right and it was silly of me to transfer because, you know, nothing is really more important than the opinions of a faceless weirdo on the internet who has nothing better to do with their time than dissect the decisions of others.  Anyhow, with those concerns in mind, I started seeing our sports psychologist, and I tell ya what, she's a stunner.  I have told my exotic lover countless times that I would leave him for her in a heartbeat, and he's totally cool with it because that's how great she is.  I meet with her once a week, and we go over the wildly ridiculous worries I have that are holding me back, what triggers my cycles of negativity, and how I can ground myself and get re-focused when thoughts about things that are out of my control come up.  I have weekly homework assignments to make sure I'm actually reflecting on the things I need to, and the sessions are actually enjoyable and not at all like talking to a therapist who is trying to dig their little claws into the source of all your issues.  The week of the BYU meet, my assignment was to identify any thoughts about things that were out of my control and re-center myself every time they came up starting the day before the meet.  Anytime thoughts like "How many miles did she run this summer?" or "What if they're more fit that our team is right now?" or "What if this season blows up for me again?" came up, I had to consider whether they would be helpful in the middle of the race.  If they wouldn't be, I was supposed to consciously shift my thoughts to something else.  As someone who gets straight-up squirrely worrying over all of the possibilities before a race, this was incredibly helpful.  So, the biggest thing I gained from this last weekend was a true enjoyment of cross country and a confidence I haven't experienced since senior year of high school.  I had this "epiphany" during track, but I still had a bit of a mental block for cross, largely because this is the season that has historically held the most issues for me on the college scene.  The difference it has made to be running anxiety-free and actually trying to work through my problems instead of denying their existence has been monumental.  There are still days that hitting my double or running another hill rep sounds incredibly unappetizing, but that's pretty standard across distance running.  Being at USU has helped me to re-discover a joy for cross and to lose the sickening feeling of dread and anticipation that used to come with the beginning of the season.  We are chasing big goals in a supportive and healthy way, and it's incredible to be a part of.

Aggies All the Way #BeTheFirst