Since I first stepped onto the running scene, I have been told that there are only two kinds of distance runners: Those who have had an injury requiring them to take some time off, and those who will. Of course, I typically reside very happily in the state of Delusion where Denial is king and refusal to acknowledge problems is the main form of currency, so I always told myself that would only happen to other runners because I am obviously invincible. Sure, I had a few hiccups here and there with mild injuries and inconveniences, but nothing that prevented me from running long-term and nothing that didn't eventually work itself out with some rehab or go away on its own. So, when I started having lower back pain after the second week back to running, I thought very little of it. I assumed that, like most of my running-related issues, it was simply the result of muscles that were too tight. Still, wanting to be cautious coming back into what was supposed to be a breakthrough indoor season, I let my trainer know and we started doing treatment on it. A week later, when the pain hadn't eased, she had some concerns due to the fact that the pain was isolated on the bone, so we set up an appointment with the team doctor, who also wasn't thrilled about the location. One x-ray later, we discovered that I had an extra lumbar vertebrae, but still didn't see the cause of the pain, so I went in for an MRI. Following the MRI, I received the news that I have developed stress reactions in both pedicles of my L5 vertebrae. Essentially, the bone on both sides of my spinal cord in my lower back has been weakened by running, and any additional stress on it could cause it to fracture.
Needless to say, I was devastated by this news. It completely disrupted all of the plans I had dreamed up for the upcoming season, and took away for at least the next month the thing that I love doing most. For the time being, I am restricted to only activities that don't make my back hurt more and don't put it into extension even slightly-basically, I am allowed to stationary bike and do the back exercises prescribed by my trainer. I'm only a few days in currently, and it's been difficult mentally. Running is a very large part of who I am, and to have it taken away so suddenly was a shock to my system. However, I realize that this is not something that I can train through or ignore, no matter how much I would love to. Knowing that, I am choosing to, rather than being angry or depressed, focus on getting better as fast as I can, taking care of my body, and doing the things I can safely do to stay in shape as well as I can. I have come back from setbacks in my running career before, and I'm completely confident in my ability, with the help of my coaches and trainers, to do it again. My coach suggested that I write the word "Patience" everywhere that I can to remind myself of what will be most important in the process often, and although I find that to be extremely annoying, I know that it will be the biggest part of this journey for me. In the meantime, as I try to figure out this whole patience thing, any tips on dealing with cross training, advice on healthy snacks, good playlists, or amusing snapchats or calls during the time I'm isolated on the stationary bike would be greatly appreciated.
Tuesday, December 19, 2017
Monday, December 4, 2017
Get Born Again
My first season as a Utah State aggie is over, and with the end of the season comes the period of time where one typically reflects on how far they've come over the course of the season, the things they've accomplished, the things they've overcome, and the things they aim to achieve next. For me, the end of this season was a jumble of emotions, chief among them gratitude for the opportunity I've had to start anew with this wonderful team, coaches who care about me, and trainers who are there for me to help with any troubles I approach them with. This semester has been one of the happiest periods of my life. I've been surrounded by people who understand me like no one ever has before and granted a clean beginning. USU provided me with the resources I needed to travel and compete with a wonderful, driven team. I discovered a new passion in the field of psychology and was able to add it as a second major so I have the option to pursue that career if it is what I choose. At the same time, I have been working through a great deal of things, and it was something that was incredibly frustrating to me throughout the semester. I realized that there were residual pains that I still needed to work through from my time at MSU and that not all of my struggles would go away with the transfer, but I still found a great deal of difficulty dealing with the fact that I wasn't suddenly one hundred percent happy with my life. So, if you all don't mind, I'd love to share another piece of who I am with a group of friends and strangers on the internet.
I've posted before about my experience with mental health difficulties. During my two years at MSU, my mental health was often something that was blatantly neglected. I didn't feel comfortable reaching out to discuss it with many of the people in my life, so often I would simply pretend that nothing was going on beyond what I allowed the world to see. I had a few extremely traumatic experiences during my time in Bozeman that a select few friends and family members know about that I simply refused to acknowledge while there because I felt so isolated that I worried if I allowed myself to dwell on them, I would fall apart completely. I went to therapy once or twice, but I had very little trust for mental health professionals, and felt extremely uncomfortable talking to them about anything going on in my life. So, when I came to USU and found this amazing support system, some things that went unresolved for months or years began to surface as I felt more comfortable opening up to friends and trainers, and of course, the anxiety and depression didn't simply disappear because I was in a place that I loved with people I cared about.
As the season progressed, it became more and more clear that I needed to do something about my mental health. Although I was happier than I've ever been, I also had heightened levels of anxiety and depression that baffled me because I was simultaneously the most happy and the most anxious I have ever been. Though I had close friendships, I found that I was constantly worried that my mental health troubles would drive them away, a thought that made me more anxious, contributing even more to the thought that my anxiety would become too much of a burden. It was a pretty fun cycle. I constantly worried about letting down my teammates, coaches, and others that I cared about. Pre-nationals was a bit of a setback for me because I didn't finish exactly where I wanted to, so fears about disappointing people and doubts about my own abilities began to set in. The final straw for me, running, and my mental health was the conference meet. Although my time and place were not bad, necessarily, they did not meet the expectations I had set for myself and I had a complete breakdown. I felt that I had let down all of the people who were important to me, and that because I hadn't run well enough in my own opinion, I must not be worth caring about. During this period, I became completely convinced that I wouldn't ever be enough for anyone and that my mental health would always be a stumbling block that no one could ever overlook. As far as I was concerned, people dealt with me only out of social obligation and I was a burden to the people I cared about. The week following conference, I finally decided I needed to take steps to do something about my mental health, and paid a visit to the psychiatrist. We discussed my thought processes and the things I had been dealing with for the past few months and years, and he determined that I could benefit from the use of SSRIs in conjunction with therapy. I started on Prozac immediately, and shortly before regionals started coming down with migraines and extreme nausea. At regionals, I raced terribly and thought I had food poisoning, but discovered a few days later that it was, in fact, a side effect of Prozac. So, four days out from nationals, with the permission of my psychiatrist, I stopped taking it. Nationals was still an enjoyable experience being with my team, but it still wasn't the experience I felt it should have been, and that drove me to continue trying to improve my thought process and mental health. Following nationals, I started on Lexapro which thus far has had the combined positive effect of not making me wildly ill and being the same antidepressant that Kanye is on, which makes me feel weirdly superior because if Kanye can overcome things and start his own successful clothing line, make millions as a music artist, and marry Kim K while on Lexapro, I can certainly keep moving forward and make something of myself. Starting next week, I will be going to therapy, and I've actually committed to giving it an honest effort this time around. This is a journey that I know is far from over, but I'm reminding myself daily that I'm an independent bad bitch and I have a great deal of hope for what is coming.
Some days it feels like I've found some magical clarity, as if listening to FML by Kanye for the fifteenth time fixed everything and I am positively unstoppable, and some days it feels like I've taken a huge leap back. But I'm coming to the realization that no matter what happens, no matter how many times running breaks your heart and puts it back together again or someone challenges your worth or you make mistakes that seem catastrophic in the moment, there is always hope for the future. There will always be people who love you, not despite your shortcomings and the quirks in your brain chemistry, but because of who you are. For every good thing that you lose, another good thing will come along. Life just has a way of balancing itself out like that. And I am finally coming around to the realization that I am not defined by my disorders or by my sport. I am so much more than Alyssa Snyder the 10k runner with anxiety, I am Lyssa the human being who happens to enjoy running and the results that come from the miles and trials, who might have some struggles with mental health but is working to become so much more, who has an over-the-top love for cats, and who has some amazing friends and family who stand by me even when I'm absolutely on my bullshit.
For anyone out there who is having struggles of their own, just remember a few things while you're on your way to figuring things out:
-There's nothing wrong with you. You're not a broken person who needs fixing, you're a perfectly good person who's just been through a thing or two
-There is always someone out there to listen and understand when you feel like you have nobody. If you really feel like you have absolutely no one, slide into my dms and we can chat about what you're going through.
-There is nothing weak about seeking help. For the longest time, I didn't want to admit that I struggled with my mental health or allow others in the running community to know the extent to which it was a problem for me because I didn't want to be perceived as weak, broken, or crazy. You're not crazy, you just need a little hand getting all your ducks in a row.
-You are so much more than your disorders or your struggles, and you don't have to let them define you.
Now get out there and kick some ass, bbs.
I've posted before about my experience with mental health difficulties. During my two years at MSU, my mental health was often something that was blatantly neglected. I didn't feel comfortable reaching out to discuss it with many of the people in my life, so often I would simply pretend that nothing was going on beyond what I allowed the world to see. I had a few extremely traumatic experiences during my time in Bozeman that a select few friends and family members know about that I simply refused to acknowledge while there because I felt so isolated that I worried if I allowed myself to dwell on them, I would fall apart completely. I went to therapy once or twice, but I had very little trust for mental health professionals, and felt extremely uncomfortable talking to them about anything going on in my life. So, when I came to USU and found this amazing support system, some things that went unresolved for months or years began to surface as I felt more comfortable opening up to friends and trainers, and of course, the anxiety and depression didn't simply disappear because I was in a place that I loved with people I cared about.
As the season progressed, it became more and more clear that I needed to do something about my mental health. Although I was happier than I've ever been, I also had heightened levels of anxiety and depression that baffled me because I was simultaneously the most happy and the most anxious I have ever been. Though I had close friendships, I found that I was constantly worried that my mental health troubles would drive them away, a thought that made me more anxious, contributing even more to the thought that my anxiety would become too much of a burden. It was a pretty fun cycle. I constantly worried about letting down my teammates, coaches, and others that I cared about. Pre-nationals was a bit of a setback for me because I didn't finish exactly where I wanted to, so fears about disappointing people and doubts about my own abilities began to set in. The final straw for me, running, and my mental health was the conference meet. Although my time and place were not bad, necessarily, they did not meet the expectations I had set for myself and I had a complete breakdown. I felt that I had let down all of the people who were important to me, and that because I hadn't run well enough in my own opinion, I must not be worth caring about. During this period, I became completely convinced that I wouldn't ever be enough for anyone and that my mental health would always be a stumbling block that no one could ever overlook. As far as I was concerned, people dealt with me only out of social obligation and I was a burden to the people I cared about. The week following conference, I finally decided I needed to take steps to do something about my mental health, and paid a visit to the psychiatrist. We discussed my thought processes and the things I had been dealing with for the past few months and years, and he determined that I could benefit from the use of SSRIs in conjunction with therapy. I started on Prozac immediately, and shortly before regionals started coming down with migraines and extreme nausea. At regionals, I raced terribly and thought I had food poisoning, but discovered a few days later that it was, in fact, a side effect of Prozac. So, four days out from nationals, with the permission of my psychiatrist, I stopped taking it. Nationals was still an enjoyable experience being with my team, but it still wasn't the experience I felt it should have been, and that drove me to continue trying to improve my thought process and mental health. Following nationals, I started on Lexapro which thus far has had the combined positive effect of not making me wildly ill and being the same antidepressant that Kanye is on, which makes me feel weirdly superior because if Kanye can overcome things and start his own successful clothing line, make millions as a music artist, and marry Kim K while on Lexapro, I can certainly keep moving forward and make something of myself. Starting next week, I will be going to therapy, and I've actually committed to giving it an honest effort this time around. This is a journey that I know is far from over, but I'm reminding myself daily that I'm an independent bad bitch and I have a great deal of hope for what is coming.
Some days it feels like I've found some magical clarity, as if listening to FML by Kanye for the fifteenth time fixed everything and I am positively unstoppable, and some days it feels like I've taken a huge leap back. But I'm coming to the realization that no matter what happens, no matter how many times running breaks your heart and puts it back together again or someone challenges your worth or you make mistakes that seem catastrophic in the moment, there is always hope for the future. There will always be people who love you, not despite your shortcomings and the quirks in your brain chemistry, but because of who you are. For every good thing that you lose, another good thing will come along. Life just has a way of balancing itself out like that. And I am finally coming around to the realization that I am not defined by my disorders or by my sport. I am so much more than Alyssa Snyder the 10k runner with anxiety, I am Lyssa the human being who happens to enjoy running and the results that come from the miles and trials, who might have some struggles with mental health but is working to become so much more, who has an over-the-top love for cats, and who has some amazing friends and family who stand by me even when I'm absolutely on my bullshit.
For anyone out there who is having struggles of their own, just remember a few things while you're on your way to figuring things out:
-There's nothing wrong with you. You're not a broken person who needs fixing, you're a perfectly good person who's just been through a thing or two
-There is always someone out there to listen and understand when you feel like you have nobody. If you really feel like you have absolutely no one, slide into my dms and we can chat about what you're going through.
-There is nothing weak about seeking help. For the longest time, I didn't want to admit that I struggled with my mental health or allow others in the running community to know the extent to which it was a problem for me because I didn't want to be perceived as weak, broken, or crazy. You're not crazy, you just need a little hand getting all your ducks in a row.
-You are so much more than your disorders or your struggles, and you don't have to let them define you.
Now get out there and kick some ass, bbs.
Thursday, November 30, 2017
Track is Back
So, going into this season, my intention was to write a race report following every race, and I started off pretty strong. Then I had, in my opinion, a bad race at conference and got hit with a case of the depressies over it. Then I got wildly ill due to some fun side effects of a medication and raced terribly at regionals. Then nationals actually went well and I was just too lazy to do a writeup. So, here I am over a month out from my last post to fill you all in on how the season wrapped up and where we're headed going forward.
For the first time in USU history, we sent a cross country team to nationals. Not only did we qualify our first time ever, we also qualified both the men's and the women's teams at the same time on at-large bids. There is no group of people that I would rather have gone to cross country NCAAs with for the first time than these guys. Last year at this time, I was extremely upset with the way my season finished and the fact that I missed qualifying for nationals after coming in with such high expectations. Now, looking back, I'm grateful for having the struggles I did because they are what led me to this school, my amazing team, and my favorite coaches.
Not everyone had their best race at nationals and there were some unavoidable conflicts that are simply a part of racing with so many people, but our women managed to come away with a fourteenth place finish, making top fifteen in the nation at our first ever appearance at nationals, and the men with a twenty-seventh place finish. I personally finished in twenty-fifth, which meets the qualifications for all-American. I was certainly happy with the progress I have made since last year's cross country season, and after the hiccups leading up to nationals this season, I was glad to still finish well, though I will certainly be pursuing a much higher finish in my final cross country season. Next year, we plan to build on the tradition we've begun by returning to nationals and aiming for a top-ten finish.
Immediately after nationals, I started scheming with my coaches about what my plan would be going forward. I told Coach Gulden that next time I race the 10k at nationals I would like to improve on my previous finish, so over Thanksgiving break he and Coach Matt chatted about what my schedule would look like for the next three years and how I would get there. As of right now, we are planning on having me race indoor and absolutely get after it this year. I will be redshirting outdoor and spending that block of time training and getting ready for cross country, so we aren't concerned about me getting burned out before NCAAs in the spring, and as a result, I'll be hitting workouts hard this winter. There are no words for how excited I am to get back on the track. I've been separated from my one true love for far too long, and I can't wait to be reunited with the consistency and reliability of track season.
For the first time in USU history, we sent a cross country team to nationals. Not only did we qualify our first time ever, we also qualified both the men's and the women's teams at the same time on at-large bids. There is no group of people that I would rather have gone to cross country NCAAs with for the first time than these guys. Last year at this time, I was extremely upset with the way my season finished and the fact that I missed qualifying for nationals after coming in with such high expectations. Now, looking back, I'm grateful for having the struggles I did because they are what led me to this school, my amazing team, and my favorite coaches.
Not everyone had their best race at nationals and there were some unavoidable conflicts that are simply a part of racing with so many people, but our women managed to come away with a fourteenth place finish, making top fifteen in the nation at our first ever appearance at nationals, and the men with a twenty-seventh place finish. I personally finished in twenty-fifth, which meets the qualifications for all-American. I was certainly happy with the progress I have made since last year's cross country season, and after the hiccups leading up to nationals this season, I was glad to still finish well, though I will certainly be pursuing a much higher finish in my final cross country season. Next year, we plan to build on the tradition we've begun by returning to nationals and aiming for a top-ten finish.
Immediately after nationals, I started scheming with my coaches about what my plan would be going forward. I told Coach Gulden that next time I race the 10k at nationals I would like to improve on my previous finish, so over Thanksgiving break he and Coach Matt chatted about what my schedule would look like for the next three years and how I would get there. As of right now, we are planning on having me race indoor and absolutely get after it this year. I will be redshirting outdoor and spending that block of time training and getting ready for cross country, so we aren't concerned about me getting burned out before NCAAs in the spring, and as a result, I'll be hitting workouts hard this winter. There are no words for how excited I am to get back on the track. I've been separated from my one true love for far too long, and I can't wait to be reunited with the consistency and reliability of track season.
Monday, October 16, 2017
Pre-Nationals
As of Saturday, the early season is officially over and championship season is upon us. With Wisco on Friday and pre-nats on Saturday, this was a huge weekend for all of cross country, and an opportunity for teams to prove themselves. Utah State went to pre-nats rather than Wisconsin so that everyone on the team would be somewhat familiar with the course before nationals, and we would have a chance to compete against a large group of nationally ranked teams.
This time around, our first travel day was much less hectic. We actually got our rental cars in a reasonable time frame, nobody got left anywhere, and we got our run in before dark, although I'm entirely convinced that the place we did our post-plane shakeout was 100% haunted. It was called Big Bone Lick Park, and everything about the situation was reminiscent of a horror film. It all got started when our vans got split up and we couldn't find half of our group, then when we tried to call them, we found that there was no cell service in the park. Fortunately, there were a very limited number of places to turn off, so we quickly found them less than half a mile away. Just so you can all appreciate how clearly haunted this area was, I'll describe it to you in unnecessary amounts of detail. The place we parked was a "picnic area" which consisted of a swing set, some slides, a run down picnic bench under a tree, and a covered picnic area with bathrooms attached. The ground was marshy, probably with several dead bodies just below the surface, and to the left, there was a meadow with what looked like a run-down set of wooden bleachers and a rusted out fence that were once part of a baseball field. I was absolutely certain that the tap water in the bathroom was pumped out of the marshes around us, and that I probably got some angry spirits on my skin when I washed my hands. The entire area was overcast, which could've just been a weather thing, but more likely was a large group of souls trapped eternally in that area thing. Coach had planned out a loop for us to run, and with about two miles to go, we found ourselves on the far side of a lake, with me believing that the vans were at least fifteen miles away and that we were going to get crazy murdered by the locals. Seriously, it's the eve of Friday the 13th, it's overcast, we're running down back roads on the shore of a lake, and there are tiny lake houses and random campers on either side of the road. Try and tell me that doesn't sound like a setup for a horror film. Also, earlier in the week I talked to Sonia about the fact that every time I eat peanut butter, I get wildly nauseated and feel like I'm dying, so she suggested that I maybe not eat peanut butter so much anymore, so naturally I had a peanut butter sandwich and multiple peanut butter bars on the plane and spent the entire run convinced that I was going to die. So things were going great.
The morning of the course preview, after having flung all of my possessions across the hotel room after promising myself that I would stay neat and contained on this trip, I realized that I somehow lost one of my racing socks. I definitely had other socks that I could have raced in, but I am very particular about what goes on my feet when I'm racing, and without my ultra-lite no-show tabbed Feetures, there was no way that I would be lining up to race the next day. I probably would've just flown back to Utah that night. Okay, maybe not. But I wouldn't have been happy. Fortunately, I have the greatest coaches on earth, so after the course preview-which was absolutely fantastic, the amount of love this team has for each other and enthusiasm we have to race and race well for each other is like nothing I have ever experienced with any other team-Sarah drove me to a local running store where I got the very last pair of size medium ultra-lite no-show Feetures that they had, which were an extremely aggressive neon orange.
The race itself was different from the first three I ran this year, for obvious reasons. This race had a significantly stronger field, so it got out hard from the gun and never really offered an opportunity to settle in. Going into this race, the plan was to go out close to the top ten, cover any gaps that opened up, and move up the last 2k. Because of the sheer size of the race, this wasn't quite as easy as I anticipated it being, simply because so many girls surged for the front from the beginning. Mentally, it was a bit challenging to have to work around other runners to be close to the front and run in the middle of a large pack rather than frontrunning easy. I'm definitely grateful that we had the chance to race here before nationals and I could get some experience running a race that size, because there are some factors here and there that I need to improve on when running with such a large, talented group, and now I know what to change and have time to change it. I ended up finishing ninth, and I feel extremely conflicted about it. Last year, my goal was to crack the top thirty in this race, and I fell far short of it, so this year was a huge improvement, but I still feel that I didn't race as well as I could've, with the heat and the race size influencing my performance more than I would've liked, so right now I think I'm happy with the race, but not satisfied. There is still over a month until nationals, though, so I think that's a good place to be going into the sharpening phase for championship season.
The team finish was the real highlight of that day. Our women worked together and showed up to prove that we deserve to be nationally ranked. We placed fourth, beating the #4 ranked team in the nation to do so and only placing behind #1, 2, and 9 ranked teams. A text post can't really convey how exciting that is. FOURTH PLACE AT PRE-NATIONALS. BEHIND ONLY TOP-10 RANKED TEAMS. IN FRONT OF #4. It's a pretty dang big deal. We established pretty clearly that we are certainly the best women's team in Utah, and that there are few teams in the region or nation that we can't at least hold our own against. Guys, I'm pumped. My heart is racing a little just typing this up because we still have a month before the regional meet and we aren't going to back off. We are ready to be the first USU team to go to nationals, and we are going to show up to regionals even more fit and sharp than we are now. Both the men and the women have been making sacrifices and doing more for this team than we ever have before. We are willing to do whatever it takes. Seriously, whatever it takes-we've got the EPO in the fridge in our training room ready to inject right before regionals. Just kidding, I promise we aren't doping, we just have some kick-ass coaches and a love for each other that drives us to train and race for something bigger than ourselves.
This time around, our first travel day was much less hectic. We actually got our rental cars in a reasonable time frame, nobody got left anywhere, and we got our run in before dark, although I'm entirely convinced that the place we did our post-plane shakeout was 100% haunted. It was called Big Bone Lick Park, and everything about the situation was reminiscent of a horror film. It all got started when our vans got split up and we couldn't find half of our group, then when we tried to call them, we found that there was no cell service in the park. Fortunately, there were a very limited number of places to turn off, so we quickly found them less than half a mile away. Just so you can all appreciate how clearly haunted this area was, I'll describe it to you in unnecessary amounts of detail. The place we parked was a "picnic area" which consisted of a swing set, some slides, a run down picnic bench under a tree, and a covered picnic area with bathrooms attached. The ground was marshy, probably with several dead bodies just below the surface, and to the left, there was a meadow with what looked like a run-down set of wooden bleachers and a rusted out fence that were once part of a baseball field. I was absolutely certain that the tap water in the bathroom was pumped out of the marshes around us, and that I probably got some angry spirits on my skin when I washed my hands. The entire area was overcast, which could've just been a weather thing, but more likely was a large group of souls trapped eternally in that area thing. Coach had planned out a loop for us to run, and with about two miles to go, we found ourselves on the far side of a lake, with me believing that the vans were at least fifteen miles away and that we were going to get crazy murdered by the locals. Seriously, it's the eve of Friday the 13th, it's overcast, we're running down back roads on the shore of a lake, and there are tiny lake houses and random campers on either side of the road. Try and tell me that doesn't sound like a setup for a horror film. Also, earlier in the week I talked to Sonia about the fact that every time I eat peanut butter, I get wildly nauseated and feel like I'm dying, so she suggested that I maybe not eat peanut butter so much anymore, so naturally I had a peanut butter sandwich and multiple peanut butter bars on the plane and spent the entire run convinced that I was going to die. So things were going great.
The morning of the course preview, after having flung all of my possessions across the hotel room after promising myself that I would stay neat and contained on this trip, I realized that I somehow lost one of my racing socks. I definitely had other socks that I could have raced in, but I am very particular about what goes on my feet when I'm racing, and without my ultra-lite no-show tabbed Feetures, there was no way that I would be lining up to race the next day. I probably would've just flown back to Utah that night. Okay, maybe not. But I wouldn't have been happy. Fortunately, I have the greatest coaches on earth, so after the course preview-which was absolutely fantastic, the amount of love this team has for each other and enthusiasm we have to race and race well for each other is like nothing I have ever experienced with any other team-Sarah drove me to a local running store where I got the very last pair of size medium ultra-lite no-show Feetures that they had, which were an extremely aggressive neon orange.
 |
| Photos courtesy of Michael Scott |
The race itself was different from the first three I ran this year, for obvious reasons. This race had a significantly stronger field, so it got out hard from the gun and never really offered an opportunity to settle in. Going into this race, the plan was to go out close to the top ten, cover any gaps that opened up, and move up the last 2k. Because of the sheer size of the race, this wasn't quite as easy as I anticipated it being, simply because so many girls surged for the front from the beginning. Mentally, it was a bit challenging to have to work around other runners to be close to the front and run in the middle of a large pack rather than frontrunning easy. I'm definitely grateful that we had the chance to race here before nationals and I could get some experience running a race that size, because there are some factors here and there that I need to improve on when running with such a large, talented group, and now I know what to change and have time to change it. I ended up finishing ninth, and I feel extremely conflicted about it. Last year, my goal was to crack the top thirty in this race, and I fell far short of it, so this year was a huge improvement, but I still feel that I didn't race as well as I could've, with the heat and the race size influencing my performance more than I would've liked, so right now I think I'm happy with the race, but not satisfied. There is still over a month until nationals, though, so I think that's a good place to be going into the sharpening phase for championship season.
 |
| On that pain train for the team |
The team finish was the real highlight of that day. Our women worked together and showed up to prove that we deserve to be nationally ranked. We placed fourth, beating the #4 ranked team in the nation to do so and only placing behind #1, 2, and 9 ranked teams. A text post can't really convey how exciting that is. FOURTH PLACE AT PRE-NATIONALS. BEHIND ONLY TOP-10 RANKED TEAMS. IN FRONT OF #4. It's a pretty dang big deal. We established pretty clearly that we are certainly the best women's team in Utah, and that there are few teams in the region or nation that we can't at least hold our own against. Guys, I'm pumped. My heart is racing a little just typing this up because we still have a month before the regional meet and we aren't going to back off. We are ready to be the first USU team to go to nationals, and we are going to show up to regionals even more fit and sharp than we are now. Both the men and the women have been making sacrifices and doing more for this team than we ever have before. We are willing to do whatever it takes. Seriously, whatever it takes-we've got the EPO in the fridge in our training room ready to inject right before regionals. Just kidding, I promise we aren't doping, we just have some kick-ass coaches and a love for each other that drives us to train and race for something bigger than ourselves.
Thursday, October 5, 2017
On the Rise
I am so hyped I don't even know where to begin. As I mentioned in my previous post, the team competed in the Paul Short Invite in Pennsylvania this last weekend, and boy did we show up on race day. The entirety of the weekend was an adventure, so I won't skip straight to the running stuff and leave you wondering just how long we waited for our rental cars or how many times we listened to Welcome to New York by T-Swift on the way to the city.
Leading up to race day, we had a few hiccups. I hyperventilated my way through the flight and only teared up once or twice, so we were off to a great start. Then, upon arriving in Pennsylvania, we learned that two of the drivers we had planned on were not, in fact, old enough for the rental agencies to trust them with their vehicles. We were at the airport for about an hour and a half while that got sorted out, and ended up finagling our way into the cars anyway. By the time we reached our hotel, it was dark and we had yet to run. Since coach was a little wary of letting loose twenty-two wide-eyed country kids from Utah to run through the streets of Bethlehem, Pennsylvania, we rolled out to the course for a little late night course previewing. If you've never run alone through Pennsylvania cornfields in the dark, let me just tell you right now, you aren't missing out. If there was a Yelp page for it, I would rate it zero stars. In the daylight hours, I am a semi-rational and somewhat reasonable young lady. After the sun goes down, it's a completely different story. I kept seeing shapes in the cornfields, and at one point I actually thought to myself, "Oh no, it's the fabled Pennsylvania werewolves. My life is about to end." It wasn't even a full moon. A few rabbits darted out over the course, and I sincerely believed they were serial killers rustling around in the corn waiting for unsuspecting runners to prey upon. I think it's possible that I watch too many true crime shows. Probably the greatest tragedy of the day came about later that night, though, when Presli and I ordered peanut butter chocolate silk pie and they had the audacity to bring us regular chocolate silk pie. The nerve of some people.
The following day we had the course preview and the difference between the course at night and the course during the day was startling. Suddenly it no longer felt like the world was closing in every time we ran through the corn, and there wasn't a sense of impending doom. (Well, not as much of a sense of impending doom-it was a pre-race run, after all). Probably the most important takeaway from the course preview was Jos telling us that her mom could run 1200 meters when we hit the three mile mark, so we definitely could as well. A little bit of magic occurred out on the course that transformed my legs from feeling like those bags of frosting you use to decorate cakes to feeling like legs that belonged to a real human person again.
The race itself was a happening good time. Before the women lined up, two of our male counterparts won their respective races, and it was looking like the men's team would take the title for their race, so Utah State was getting some side glances from the crowd. Getting out in a field of 400+ ladies wasn't as terrifying and PTSD-inducing as I anticipated it being. Probably the biggest issue I faced during the race was that I forgot to make note of the distances during the course preview and I somehow didn't notice the signs off to the side that clearly stated how far you have gone every 1k and mile so we got to the three mile and I was still laboring under the delusion that we had not yet hit two miles. Boy did I feel silly. With 1200 meters to go, I reminded myself that a) my teammates were out there grinding as well, and we all needed each other to be successful and b) Josie's mom can ran 1200 meters, so you'd best believe I could put in just a little bit more effort. We ended up coming away with three individual wins, and a sweep of the team titles on the men's and women's side. I don't think I have ever seen such a group of rowdy individuals as my teammates when we got the news that we had beat number 15-ranked Villanova by over 40 points.
Also, because I mentioned in my previous post that we would be going to a Broadway show in New York, I feel obligated to tell you all about that experience. Believe it or not, New York is vastly different from Logan, Utah. There are a few more people, and they are not quite as happy to see you. Times Square and Broadway were amazing (Phantom on Broadway was probably the coolest thing I have ever seen), and I would definitely like to marry into money so I can go back and watch Broadway musicals casually on the weekends, but New York is not a place that I would ever want to stay for extended periods of time. On the way back, we learned that the train back from the city is equipped with doors that close automatically, whether everyone who wants to get off is off or not when we managed to lose two of our teammates and our trainer. They did eventually make their way back to the hotel, though, despite my sincere concern that they would disappear into the train tunnels and become mole people, never to be seen by us again.
In other news, since starting this post, the national coaches' poll has come out, as have the various national rankings from different running-central websites. The coaches' poll has the women ranked 19th, and the men coming in at 27th. This is the first time in the history of the school that both the men's and women's teams have been ranked at the same time, and I really can't express what an exciting time it is to be at USU. We are all still very motivated to keep moving up, and are not willing to let ourselves be complacent or settle in at all, but we're also extremely happy to have reached the point that we have. Our next competition will be next Saturday in Louisville at pre-nats, and we're definitely ready to move up a few more places in the rankings. (No I'm not bitter that Villanova and BYU are still ranked ahead of us. Okay, yeah, I'm totally bitter. Sorry about it.)
Leading up to race day, we had a few hiccups. I hyperventilated my way through the flight and only teared up once or twice, so we were off to a great start. Then, upon arriving in Pennsylvania, we learned that two of the drivers we had planned on were not, in fact, old enough for the rental agencies to trust them with their vehicles. We were at the airport for about an hour and a half while that got sorted out, and ended up finagling our way into the cars anyway. By the time we reached our hotel, it was dark and we had yet to run. Since coach was a little wary of letting loose twenty-two wide-eyed country kids from Utah to run through the streets of Bethlehem, Pennsylvania, we rolled out to the course for a little late night course previewing. If you've never run alone through Pennsylvania cornfields in the dark, let me just tell you right now, you aren't missing out. If there was a Yelp page for it, I would rate it zero stars. In the daylight hours, I am a semi-rational and somewhat reasonable young lady. After the sun goes down, it's a completely different story. I kept seeing shapes in the cornfields, and at one point I actually thought to myself, "Oh no, it's the fabled Pennsylvania werewolves. My life is about to end." It wasn't even a full moon. A few rabbits darted out over the course, and I sincerely believed they were serial killers rustling around in the corn waiting for unsuspecting runners to prey upon. I think it's possible that I watch too many true crime shows. Probably the greatest tragedy of the day came about later that night, though, when Presli and I ordered peanut butter chocolate silk pie and they had the audacity to bring us regular chocolate silk pie. The nerve of some people.
The race itself was a happening good time. Before the women lined up, two of our male counterparts won their respective races, and it was looking like the men's team would take the title for their race, so Utah State was getting some side glances from the crowd. Getting out in a field of 400+ ladies wasn't as terrifying and PTSD-inducing as I anticipated it being. Probably the biggest issue I faced during the race was that I forgot to make note of the distances during the course preview and I somehow didn't notice the signs off to the side that clearly stated how far you have gone every 1k and mile so we got to the three mile and I was still laboring under the delusion that we had not yet hit two miles. Boy did I feel silly. With 1200 meters to go, I reminded myself that a) my teammates were out there grinding as well, and we all needed each other to be successful and b) Josie's mom can ran 1200 meters, so you'd best believe I could put in just a little bit more effort. We ended up coming away with three individual wins, and a sweep of the team titles on the men's and women's side. I don't think I have ever seen such a group of rowdy individuals as my teammates when we got the news that we had beat number 15-ranked Villanova by over 40 points.
Also, because I mentioned in my previous post that we would be going to a Broadway show in New York, I feel obligated to tell you all about that experience. Believe it or not, New York is vastly different from Logan, Utah. There are a few more people, and they are not quite as happy to see you. Times Square and Broadway were amazing (Phantom on Broadway was probably the coolest thing I have ever seen), and I would definitely like to marry into money so I can go back and watch Broadway musicals casually on the weekends, but New York is not a place that I would ever want to stay for extended periods of time. On the way back, we learned that the train back from the city is equipped with doors that close automatically, whether everyone who wants to get off is off or not when we managed to lose two of our teammates and our trainer. They did eventually make their way back to the hotel, though, despite my sincere concern that they would disappear into the train tunnels and become mole people, never to be seen by us again.
In other news, since starting this post, the national coaches' poll has come out, as have the various national rankings from different running-central websites. The coaches' poll has the women ranked 19th, and the men coming in at 27th. This is the first time in the history of the school that both the men's and women's teams have been ranked at the same time, and I really can't express what an exciting time it is to be at USU. We are all still very motivated to keep moving up, and are not willing to let ourselves be complacent or settle in at all, but we're also extremely happy to have reached the point that we have. Our next competition will be next Saturday in Louisville at pre-nats, and we're definitely ready to move up a few more places in the rankings. (No I'm not bitter that Villanova and BYU are still ranked ahead of us. Okay, yeah, I'm totally bitter. Sorry about it.)
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| Got some prom photos done while I had my corn bouquet, courtesy of my teammates |
Thursday, September 21, 2017
Feelin' 22
Last weekend was a pretty big step for the team. We faced off against BYU for the first time in the season, and going in we had very high expectations for ourselves. The BYU women were ranked top 10 in the nation going into the season, so beating them would be a great way to prove that we were well on our way to being the first cross team from USU to qualify for nationals. Coach gave us a fairly straightforward race plan, and we executed it exactly as he hoped we would. Our women ended up winning the meet and beating BYU by nine points. The ladies all worked together and encouraged each other throughout the race, and the strength of our team really showed. There are still quite a few naysayers-apparently a little girl told one of my teammates that we had simply gotten lucky and that BYU would rub our noses in it next time we faced off (Fortunately I wasn't around for this because it would have reflected very badly on USU for me to be throwing hands at a sassy ten-year-old)-but that's just motivation for us to keep working and not take this small victory as a reason to slack off.
As excited as we all were that day, it didn't quite compare to the hype in our group chat a few days later when regional rankings and the results of the coaches poll came out. We are currently ranking third in the mountain region behind only Colorado and New Mexico, and we jumped eight spots in the national poll to reach the highest ranking of any USU team at twenty-second. When I opened the link to the results of the coaches' poll for this week, I threw up just a little bit. But you best believe we're just getting started. Next week, if you happen to be in the Bethlehem, PA area, feel free to swing by the Paul Short invite and check out your favorite Aggies at work. (Also, please pray for my soul and my travel companions because based on the amount of traveling we will be doing to reach Pennsylvania, the odds of me not being an ill-tempered gnome with swollen ankles do not look great). Side note, Coach actually has enough faith in our abilities to clean up well post-race that he's arranged for us to go to Phantom of the Opera on Broadway Friday night, and if you don't think I've already planned one full outfit and multiple backups because this is the fanciest thing that's ever happened to me, you're as wrong as I'm going to be road-ugly.
The final thing that came out of this weekend, though not a huge moment in the long run, was a big moment for me. If you have happened to follow my running career through college (bless your souls), you'll know that it has been dynamic to say the least, and not exactly in a good way up until the last few months. My first two collegiate cross seasons were heavily marked by injury, self-doubt, crippling anxiety and a case of the depressies that hopped on board uninvited every time I had a bad race or got injured like that casual acquaintance that always seems to know when you're having a party where food will be provided and just mysteriously turns up. Coming into this season, I had a lot of concerns that the nasty cycle of self-doubt and defeat would start up again, and I would have to rely on my backup plan in case running didn't work out. (Go trolling through yacht clubs during the California meets and pick up a rich husband). Also, I was straight up panicked that my season would blow up in my face, then all of the internet trolls and h8rs would come crawling out of the woodwork to say how they were right and it was silly of me to transfer because, you know, nothing is really more important than the opinions of a faceless weirdo on the internet who has nothing better to do with their time than dissect the decisions of others. Anyhow, with those concerns in mind, I started seeing our sports psychologist, and I tell ya what, she's a stunner. I have told my exotic lover countless times that I would leave him for her in a heartbeat, and he's totally cool with it because that's how great she is. I meet with her once a week, and we go over the wildly ridiculous worries I have that are holding me back, what triggers my cycles of negativity, and how I can ground myself and get re-focused when thoughts about things that are out of my control come up. I have weekly homework assignments to make sure I'm actually reflecting on the things I need to, and the sessions are actually enjoyable and not at all like talking to a therapist who is trying to dig their little claws into the source of all your issues. The week of the BYU meet, my assignment was to identify any thoughts about things that were out of my control and re-center myself every time they came up starting the day before the meet. Anytime thoughts like "How many miles did she run this summer?" or "What if they're more fit that our team is right now?" or "What if this season blows up for me again?" came up, I had to consider whether they would be helpful in the middle of the race. If they wouldn't be, I was supposed to consciously shift my thoughts to something else. As someone who gets straight-up squirrely worrying over all of the possibilities before a race, this was incredibly helpful. So, the biggest thing I gained from this last weekend was a true enjoyment of cross country and a confidence I haven't experienced since senior year of high school. I had this "epiphany" during track, but I still had a bit of a mental block for cross, largely because this is the season that has historically held the most issues for me on the college scene. The difference it has made to be running anxiety-free and actually trying to work through my problems instead of denying their existence has been monumental. There are still days that hitting my double or running another hill rep sounds incredibly unappetizing, but that's pretty standard across distance running. Being at USU has helped me to re-discover a joy for cross and to lose the sickening feeling of dread and anticipation that used to come with the beginning of the season. We are chasing big goals in a supportive and healthy way, and it's incredible to be a part of.
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Whole lotta Aggies all in a bunch, just how we like it
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| Plz take a moment to note how cute our mascot is #ILYBlue |
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| Aggies All the Way #BeTheFirst |
Thursday, September 7, 2017
Clean Start
Anyone who has ever run a race knows the importance of a clean start. You don't want to get out too fast and risk going anaerobic too quickly, or get out too slow and create a gap with the leaders that you will have to fight hard to make up. You also don't want to get tripped up and start the race scraped up and mentally shaken. Of course, you won't always get the clean start you were hoping for, but there will always be a new day and a new race where you can get it right.
Thus far, Utah State has been my new day and my opportunity to get it right. From the first week at camp, I fell in love with my teammates, the program, the town, and the amazing support system we have. I am completely taken aback by the love and support we receive from our coaches. They make it abundantly clear that they care about us as people, and they look out for our best interests while still guiding us to become the best athletes we can be. My teammates are a crew of fantastic nutcases. As is typical for distance runners, there is a wide assortment of personalities, but the common theme that connects us all is the dream that makes us all crazy and that we sacrifice for daily to pursue. The training room staff goes above and beyond (Ily for real, Sonia). They have already put up with so much of my nonsense (sry I ran 20 miles on Sunday) and have been way more patient than I deserve. The team sports psychologist is absolutely phenomenal, and is already helping me to work through some of my mental blocks and cycles of negativity tied to performance. The running here is amazing. If you're willing to run a mile or two out of town, there is a network of single track trails up through the mountains. The only downside is that some of my teammates have informed me that rattlesnakes like to hang out on the trails sometimes, but the only snakes I've seen out there were the young men who nearly decimated me on their bikes yesterday so I'm a little skeptical about the existence of these rattlesnakes. ALSO our resources are insane. Presli transferred here this season from a Big Sky school as well, and we are both absolutely giddy about the size of the gear packs, the fueling station, the training room, etc.
This season, the goal of the team is to become the first USU cross team to ever qualify for nationals, and boy howdy if any team is going to be the first this one looks as good as any. These ladies work crazy hard, not just at running but at the last little details that separate good from great, and we are all bought into the program entirely. This last Saturday, we had our first meet at home. It was fairly small and relaxed, but it was a solid way to get back into cross and gauge our fitness. We all ran together through 3k then let loose for the final 2k, and I'll tell you what, seeing a pack of teammates that size still together almost two miles in was pretty sweet. We have our next meet in Provo on the 16th, and I'm over the top excited to see how we look with all or most of the girls racing. Honestly, I'm just incredibly happy to be here. I have been asked a lot of questions about why I would transfer after my successful final season at MSU and at times throughout the outdoor season I questioned whether or not I should leave myself, but when it comes down to it, the fact of the matter is I am happy and supported here, which is not something I could always say in Bozeman. I am grateful for the time I had there, but I am even more grateful for the new beginning I was given by Coach Gulden and USU.
Thus far, Utah State has been my new day and my opportunity to get it right. From the first week at camp, I fell in love with my teammates, the program, the town, and the amazing support system we have. I am completely taken aback by the love and support we receive from our coaches. They make it abundantly clear that they care about us as people, and they look out for our best interests while still guiding us to become the best athletes we can be. My teammates are a crew of fantastic nutcases. As is typical for distance runners, there is a wide assortment of personalities, but the common theme that connects us all is the dream that makes us all crazy and that we sacrifice for daily to pursue. The training room staff goes above and beyond (Ily for real, Sonia). They have already put up with so much of my nonsense (sry I ran 20 miles on Sunday) and have been way more patient than I deserve. The team sports psychologist is absolutely phenomenal, and is already helping me to work through some of my mental blocks and cycles of negativity tied to performance. The running here is amazing. If you're willing to run a mile or two out of town, there is a network of single track trails up through the mountains. The only downside is that some of my teammates have informed me that rattlesnakes like to hang out on the trails sometimes, but the only snakes I've seen out there were the young men who nearly decimated me on their bikes yesterday so I'm a little skeptical about the existence of these rattlesnakes. ALSO our resources are insane. Presli transferred here this season from a Big Sky school as well, and we are both absolutely giddy about the size of the gear packs, the fueling station, the training room, etc.
This season, the goal of the team is to become the first USU cross team to ever qualify for nationals, and boy howdy if any team is going to be the first this one looks as good as any. These ladies work crazy hard, not just at running but at the last little details that separate good from great, and we are all bought into the program entirely. This last Saturday, we had our first meet at home. It was fairly small and relaxed, but it was a solid way to get back into cross and gauge our fitness. We all ran together through 3k then let loose for the final 2k, and I'll tell you what, seeing a pack of teammates that size still together almost two miles in was pretty sweet. We have our next meet in Provo on the 16th, and I'm over the top excited to see how we look with all or most of the girls racing. Honestly, I'm just incredibly happy to be here. I have been asked a lot of questions about why I would transfer after my successful final season at MSU and at times throughout the outdoor season I questioned whether or not I should leave myself, but when it comes down to it, the fact of the matter is I am happy and supported here, which is not something I could always say in Bozeman. I am grateful for the time I had there, but I am even more grateful for the new beginning I was given by Coach Gulden and USU.
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