With the beginning of this semester came a terrifying realization: I am only three semesters away from graduating, which means I should already be doing things like applying to graduate programs, taking the GRE, and looking into potential jobs for after I graduate. Have I done any of these things? Absolutely not. Well, kind of. I did go to schedule a date to take the GRE. I had one all picked out for this April in a testing center here in Logan, then I got to the checkout page where I learned that it apparently costs two hundred dollars to take it, at which point I laughed aloud, audibly said, "Nope. Nope. Absolutely not.", and exited out of the browser to continue watching Grey's Anatomy through for the second time. This girl is Ready For the Real World. Please adopt me so I don't have to do anything real with my life. Tragically, I realize that I do have to do all of those adult things and more if I want to be accepted into any PhD programs for clinical psychology, but for the month of January at least, I'm content to just focus on actually passing my classes and racing track again for the first time since 2017 and maintaining my sanity while working, volunteering in a lab on campus, training, and attempting to not fail any classes. Pray for me for real this time.
I am still not sure yet when I'll be opening up my indoor season this year. I am meeting with my coaches on Tuesday and we might come to a decision then, but we also might remain completely clueless. We have run our first few workouts over the last few weeks, and my legs and lungs were aghast to say the least at my nerve in deciding to run another track workout after so long away. To be fair to them, it was pretty rude of my to just start running track paces again without warning them in advance, but then again, if my body hadn't decided to up and break a vertebral pedicle, we wouldn't have been in this predicament in the first place. I finally got to start doing workouts in the USU indoor training facility, which I've loved. Rather than an indoor track, we have an indoor turf field that the coaches set up cones on to form a two hundred meter circle. It's nice because the turns are much gentler than the harsh flat, oval track we trained on at MSU so I finish workouts with less strain on my IT bands and knees. Additionally, with the workouts being run on turf, I imagine it will feel much easier to run faster times on a track where less energy is absorbed by a soft surface. This season, I'm hoping to focus exclusively on racing the 5k indoors and the 10k outdoor, with possibly an occasionally 3k indoor and 5k outdoor as a way to shake out and mentally prep for the longer races. My attitude has definitely been much more laid back and less neurotic than it has been since I entered college-There is no longer the constant gripping compulsion or idea that I have to do certain things and run certain times, but the feeling that I should just run to see what I can do. This idea was born of necessity, as I felt extremely near to burnout several times through the last cross country season and the emotional devastation that came with it, and in the following weeks while I was on winter break and away from the obligations of team practice. Healthy mindset? Never met her. It's learning.
While I'm scampering all over the country for races this year, I will continue to work at the eating disorder RTC I started employment at in July. I will also be taking most of my classes online this semester. Psychology of gender, advanced analysis of behavior, and biomechanics will all be done online this year so I can hopefully avoid falling behind and missing tons of class time. My only classes in person this semester are exercise physiology and yoga. I am fully confident that yoga is either going to transform me into someone who is zen, patient, calm, and flexible, or frustrate me to the point that I hurl my yoga mat into the full-length mirrors in the studio and have a complete mental breakdown before being committed to a psych ward. I'll keep you guys posted on which it ends up being. Hopefully the breathing techniques will make me a better person and prevent it from being the latter.
