Moving Forward

Apparently, according to what I've seen on Buzzfeed and Twitter recently, 2016 was one doozy of a year.  We've all taken some losses, some greater than others, and we've all had our triumphs.  Some of our favorite celebrities passed away, and some of us (@ myself) tripped over steeple barriers.  But 2016 was also the year that Emma and Evan both medaled in the steeplechase, the latest season of New Girl brought us all to happy tears, and I learned how to light a lighter (which is apparently a very basic skill that most adults already have, but whatever).  So where does this leave us going into 2017?

For me, 2016 definitely was a doozy of a year.  I lost and gained several close friends, met some truly incredible people, watched a Nazi zombie movie on the recommendations of a trainer, and had some huge ups and downs with running.  As you all know, my most recent season ended with some heavy disappointment.  Despite my new level of fitness and the summer of hard work that I put in, I never had a truly great race, and I finished at region weighed down with injuries.  But going into 2017, I have no intentions of losing my drive to compete and succeed.  Every time I have a setback, I like to think I learn something from it or renew my desire to become better.  As a result of the setbacks I faced this season, I decided to increase my mileage and the intensity with which I go after workouts.  As always, I have goals that are scary big, but I've spent more time reflecting on all of the little details of how I'm actually going to get to those goals.  Most of them should probably be centered around eating better, because in the spirit of full disclosure, I am probably going to get diabetes in the next two weeks.  Christmas season has been too kind to me.  To start off the indoor season, I decided to bump my mileage to 70 mile weeks.  Let me just tell you, I have been enjoying it too much.  My break has consisted mostly of me waking up, running, eating, and taking naps until it's time to eat again.  I absolutely adore high mileage, and it seems like the higher I go, the better I feel (after a few weeks to adjust, for the first few weeks I mostly just feel like roadkill).  Another small fix which is easy enough to remedy is my ferritin level.  At the beginning of the season, it was at 113.  By the time I got it checked for indoor, it had dropped to 69.  While this is still fairly high, especially for a female athlete, seeing that kind of drop over one season is not ideal.  I will also be rehabbing religiously for my badly behaving hamstrings, which have been improving pretty well after their escapades at the end of the season.  Also, the training room staff told me I can use the NormaTec booties whenever I'd like, as long as the training room isn't too busy, and I honestly might go mad with power.  I tried them once before break, and I loved it too much.  There's a very good chance I'm going to start spending 10+ hours a day in those boots.  10/10, would recommend to a friend.
So, going into 2017, I am going to do just like I always have.  Take the next step forward, and trust in good things to come. 

Make it Count

This post is going to be a bit of a variation from my usual narrative, so if you're here to get tips on what gear to buy or hear about what it's like to run D1, feel free to keep scrolling. 
A few weeks back, I received the news that an individual who was once very close to my family and played a major role in our lives for many years had passed away.  His death was very sudden and unexpected, and brought with it many questions.  Even though I personally had not been in close contact with him recently, he still had an impact on my life at different points in time, and his passing has made me reconsider a lot of things.
First and foremost, you never know how long you have to let someone know how much they meant to you.  If someone is important to you, there is no reason not to let them know.  There is nothing to be lost in letting people in your life know that they have made a difference to you, however there is a great deal to be lost in keeping these things to yourself.  You can never know just how great an impact your words can have on someone, or how you can help someone who is struggling through something.  Even if they're not currently facing any demons, it's always nice to have a reminder that you are cared about.
Secondly, you never know how long you yourself have to pursue the things that truly matter to you and make a difference.  You should never waste a moment of your life on the things that don't matter or don't make you happier in the long run.  Take chances, and chase dreams that might seem absolutely insane.  Don't let the things that other people deem "possible" hold you back in any way.  Decide now was is important to you, and go after it with everything you have.  Whatever you decide on, you only have one life to make it happen, so much every moment count.  Don't spend your time on people who hold you back or wish you to be less than you can be, or on goals that are just there to be placeholders to keep you occupied until your life is up.  Live with a passion, and don't let anyone or anything steal the joy that you find in it.

Sophomore Season Recap

Thanksgiving is tomorrow which means two things:  First, I will be getting diabetes and probably heart disease #sorrycoach, and second, cross country is officially over.  While this is wonderful news because it means that it's time to play track now, it's also a little difficult to see my second cross season end.  I'm one of the strange breed of collegiates who actually genuinely enjoys cross country, and especially the way this season ended, it was hard to let it go. 
Coming into this season, I obviously had some big goals.  I put in a very hard summer, upping both my mileage and the intensity of my training, so I was ready to do some damage on the cross course.  My fitness was definitely the best it's ever been, and I fully expected to break all of my personal records, as well as place in the top three at conference and qualify for nationals.  Unfortunately, things don't always go as we would like them to.  Throughout the season, my races were consistently decent, but I never had the breakthrough that I was expecting.  There were several small issues that impacted my performance the first few races, but I was hoping to see the results of my effort at the championship meets at the end of the season.  Alas, my hamstrings did not have the same plan in mind.  Just as it did last year at this time, my left hamstring decided to sabotage me a few days before the conference meet.  I ended up being unable to do anything but easy run in the two weeks between conference and regionals, so though I felt well rested, my legs were highly uncooperative when the idea of running fast was presented to them.  I finished better than I did last year at both conference and region, but nowhere close to where I feel I was capable of.

Teamwork makes the dream work #rule3

So, where do I go from here?  Exactly where I planned to before this season.  A few setbacks are to be expected in every athlete's career.  I've started rehab to #savethehammy2k16 so that I never have to deal with this particular setback again, and I am 100% dedicated to meeting my goals during track.  I still have an amazing and supportive team, and a coaching staff that is willing to work with me moving forward.  We have made plans to individualize my training a bit more in the future to work on improving my anaerobic capacity in such a way that it will not put too much strain on my weak bb hamstrings and focus in more on the true distance events.  Coming at you, 5k/10k double.  Also, I get to up my mileage again over winter break which I am TOO excited about.  Seventy miles a week=seventy excuses a week to eat more holiday snacks and buy more running shoes on Black Friday.   

It took the whole season, but we finally got the bun hugger booty pop down

Eat, Run, Love

I've had some struggles with eating is a sentence I have heard far too often as an NCAA D1 distance runner.  From friends, doctors, trainers, and strangers, it's very common to hear some variation of, "You distance kids are all just too skinny.  You need to eat something."  To an extent, the petite frame of your typical endurance athlete is to be expected.  In these competitions, the point is to move yourself over a course faster than your competitors can, and that becomes much less difficult if you are carrying less weight.  On top of that, if you consider the fact that the average person burns 100 calories for every mile run, and our metabolisms are often amped up to levels much higher than the average person, it's no wonder that we have to work fairly hard to get the calories that we need in a healthy way.  So, if you struggle to get the calories you need for any reason, it can wreak havoc on your body.  When you put these types of demands on your body and give it nothing to recover on in return, a multitude of problems can develop.  One of the first things I ever learned about in my exercise science courses is called the Female Athlete Triad.  Basically, this is a pattern in female athletes that starts with low energy intake levels and/or disordered eating, and can lead to bone loss and osteoporosis, making the athlete vulnerable to stress fractures.  Muscular atrophy is another common symptom.  Because the body isn't getting its energy from outside sources, it literally starts to break itself down just to fuel the everyday processes necessary for life.  It can also lead to menstrual disturbances, and if that is left unchecked, infertility.  How much are those extra few points worth to athletes and coaches, that they would keep allowing this to happen to their bodies?    

So why is this so prominent in collegiate athletes?  Well, there's a simple formula some people erroneously follow.  Less weight means faster times, so if an athlete drops weight quickly, they can perform at whole new levels.  Often, you'll see athletes on the national stage who seem to come out of nowhere to drop times that they hadn't come anywhere near previously.  They get their moment in the spotlight, and if they're lucky, stay healthy long enough to compete for their team at the championship meets.  What the coaches don't mention in interviews, and what the running channels don't cover, are the intermittent months of injury that precede those great performances and immediately follow them.  When you are sacrificing your own health to run a faster 5k time, your body will not hold up for it.  Doctors, coaches, and trainers habitually overlook their athletes' unhealthy weights and eating habits as long as they are still performing and making the school look good.

The first time I had to buy a shirt in a size medium, I cried.  As stupid as it may sound, at the time I felt like I could never be a real distance runner if I wasn't meeting a certain BMI.  There is such a pressure on distance runners everywhere to be at an "ideal" weight.  These days, I'm actually pretty proud of that size medium because it just reflects the #gainz I've been putting on in the weight room.  I was very fortunate in high school to have the type of coach who encouraged a healthy body and normal eating habits, and am still fortunate in college to have a coaching staff who would never prioritize the health of their athletes below a championship.  However, though I personally don't have to deal with coaches pressuring me to lose weight or turning a blind eye to blatantly unhealthy habits, it is still a clear issue on the national competitive stage.  When you consider the years it can take for these individuals to develop healthy eating habits again, and the lasting damage that is done to their bodies for the sake of shaving a few seconds off in the 10k, it's extremely upsetting.  This is one of many reasons why I believe the NCAA needs to establish a minimum BMI or body fat percentage for athletes to be eligible to compete.  Regardless of whether an athlete has "always been skinny" or they are running fast times, there are certain percentages below which healthy metabolic function, bone density, and brain function simply cannot be maintained.  Glorifying unhealthy habits is only going to continue perpetuating them in future generations of young athletes, and that is a reality that I will not stand for.  Coaches, please stop asking your athletes to set "weight goals" for the season, and turn your attention instead to ensuring that they maintain a healthy body composition.  Weight does not necessarily indicate health.  Right now, I weigh more than I ever have, but my body fat percentage is also lower because since coming to school, I've been incorporating strength training and injury prevention into my training.  I've put on weight, but I've also significantly decreased my chance of injury and am running better as a result.  If a coach pushed me to lose weight right now, the only place I would have to lose it would be from muscle mass, which is unreasonable and unhealthy.  

So, whether you are a coach, an athlete, or a casual bystander wondering what on earth I'm talking about, please always remember to #eatrunlove.

Naps on Naps on Naps

There are a few phases every distance runner goes through each year in the transition from track to cross country.  First is the summer training phase, where you basically turn into a machine capable only of napping, running, and eating.  Mileage goes up, and number of pants that actually fit you correctly go down.  You eat entire boxes of Otter Pops each week, exclaiming, "Gotta get those electrolytes!" as each one goes down, knowing full well that they're basically just frozen sugar sticks.  Next comes the "Back to School" phase.  Everyone is back in town, and stoked as can be to be training again.  You have a few weeks between when you get back to school and when classes start, so you're free to continue your habits of sleeping in late and running whenever is convenient for a short period of time.  Then you have all of the compliance meetings, team barbecues, and exciting discussions about what the season will look like.  The workload from school isn't too big, so you say to yourself, "Ah, yes.  This whole semester will probably stay like this and be relatively easy."  And if you listen closely, you can actually hear the lady from Game of Thrones whisper, "Oh, my sweet summer child."  The fourth and final phase of cross country is the Peak Phase.  The money is in the bank, as the old folks would say, and all that's left to do is trust in the hard work you've put in, peak, and compete.  It's the championship phase, the part of the season that you look forward to every week leading up to it.
The third phase is what we are currently in.  The Grind Phase.  This is where you put in some of your hardest workouts, where you wake up for early morning practices and badger the training room staff almost daily for new stretches and more ice bags wrapped onto your body.  It's where you have three or four exams in one week, plus two papers and a new design for rocket fuel due on the same day.  It's where life gets a little bit challenging, but it's also where you can take yourself from being good to great.  Yeah, that summer work is incredibly important to build your base and get you ready for the year.  But if you let your effort slip when things start to get tough, you won't get to see the results of that hard work come the end of the season.  Nobody wins a national title off of the first race of the season alone.  This is the phase where you are no longer just competing against the ideas of your opposing teams every day in practice.  This is where you have to start competing against yourself.  You have to be willing to accept that there will come a point in the workout where your body wants to quit.  Your mind might try to tell you that you can't possibly run another interval, but you have to tell both your mind and your body that you don't really care what they think is possible because you're going to make it big and that's going to hurt.  Maybe you'll have to overcome some setbacks.  Maybe it feels like the hardest thing you've ever done.  But if you can choose to not just make it through the Grind Phase, but come through it stronger than you started, you can do just about anything in this sport.

So You Want to Run D1

Hey folks.  Several of my high school bbs have been asking me for advice on how to go about becoming division 1 runners recently, so I figured I might as well just compile it all here.  Sorry if you're not a high school distance runner between the ages of 14 and 18 so this post has no relevance to you.
First things first:  If you can, decide early on whether or not you want to pursue collegiate running.  The earlier you can get on the process of recruiting, meeting with coaches, and looking into different programs, the better your chances will be of a) Having the time to work down your times and figure out which events will be the best to focus on and give you the best shot and reaching the collegiate level and b) Getting into your ideal program.  If you have a list of top-ten programs to consider by the beginning of your junior year, I'd say you're off to a good start.  Junior year is around the time that colleges will really start considering your performances.
Don't be afraid to get in touch with coaches.  At the beginning of my junior year, one of my coaches put me in touch with the coaching staff at Montana State, and another coach asked for my top 15-20 college choices so that he could email them my credentials and inform them I was interested.  The sooner you make it clear to the coaches you are interested, the more likely it is that they will be able to set aside scholarship money for you.  Don't be afraid to email back and forth with the coaches-Keep them updated on your performances, and find out if their type of training would be a good fit for you if you are seriously interested.
Another aspect to bear in mind if you want to run D1:  Grades.  Even though people always emphasize the student in student-athlete, many of the athletes I knew in high school who were looked into the next level didn't think grades would be all that important in the recruiting process.  Although you don't need to have a perfect GPA, colleges don't exactly love to see a 2.0 GPA because it means that more of your financial aid will have to come from athletics, since you won't qualify for as much academic funding.
Going into your senior year, possibly the most important date for recruits to remember is July 1.  This is the first day that coaches can call you or go on a home visit.  Basically, you are going to feel like a secretary and you'll probably get a lot of calls from unfamiliar numbers until you sign your letter of intent.  If a coach has expressed interest in coming on a home visit or giving you a call, I would definitely recommend going through with that before committing to anything bigger, like an official visit, because it allows you to get to know the coach a little better than you might over email.  At this point, try to narrow down your choices to a top five, as you're only allowed to go on five official visits.  (Narrow it down even more if you can, because visits can get a little exhausting and they take a lot of time away from school).  Be realistic when considering schools and planning visits.  If you want to run at a school that is lower altitude and is within driving distance of the ocean, don't schedule a visit with a school in the Mountain West region just because you heard they get a sick gear pack or you want to see the area.  If you know you wouldn't actually want to spend the next 4-5 years of your life there, be considerate to the coach and don't schedule the visit.  Also, plan your visits carefully.  I took my final visit the day after my state meet, and I was exhausted the whole weekend.  It was still a good visit, but I definitely didn't get out and do as much as I would have had I scheduled it for a different weekend.
When you take your visits, you are going to be doing essentially the same thing every time, so it may get a bit redundant after the third or fourth.  Typically, the coaches will arrange for one of the members of the team to show you around campus, take you to meetings, and introduce you to the team.  You will meet with the head of your academic department (or university studies, if you are undecided), and the academic director for student athletes, as well as take a tour of the athletic facilities.  You will usually close the visit by meeting with the head coach, so be prepared with any questions you have about the program or university.
There are two signing periods for track athletes:  One in November and one in April.  If you have made your decision by November and don't need/want any additional financial aid, I would highly recommend signing in this period because it relieves a great deal of pressure and allows you to focus on competing for the remainder of your senior year.  However, if you feel you can improve your times and gain more aid, it could be worth waiting, just be aware that it could also hold additional risk.
Either way, don't forget to enjoy the whole process!

Pre-Race Fire Mixtape/Cross 2k16

Am I updating my blog because I have thoughts that I feel I should share with the world (Or, you know, the portion of the world that actually has access to the internet and can read random running blogs), or because I'm trying to procrastinate doing my physics homework while still feeling like I accomplished something?  The world may never know.  (Just kidding, it's a little bit of both.)
Since we're back in competition season after what felt more like three centuries than three months without racing, I've come to the decision that it's time to let you all in on the true secret to any successes I might have:  My fire mixtape.  Along with that, since I'm still a deadbeat and don't update this nearly enough, I guess I could also fill you in on how summer training has been, what college is looking like for me this year, and how I think the season is going to go.
Because I'm often a very high-stress individual, especially going into meets, my fire mixtape may be uncomfortable and confusing for some people.  It doesn't exactly follow any sort of pattern or style.  Honestly, it's incredibly random and it jumps from high-key pump up music to chill tunes with little to no warning.  The reasoning behind it is that I need some tunes to help me calm it down and keep from having a complete meltdown, but I also don't want to go into a race with the mindset of a sloth on Xanax, so I also have to include your standard hype music.
1.  Gold-Imagine Dragons
2.  Roses-The Chainsmokers
3.  Polaroid-Imagine Dragons
4.  Remix to Ignition-
5.  Dancing Song-Little Comets
6.  Everything About Me-Shrink the Giant
7.  America-Imagine Dragons
8.  Borderline (Vanic Remix)-Tove Stryke
9.  Holding On To You-Twenty One Pilots
10.  Fake You Out-Twenty One Pilots
11.  Guns For Hands-Twenty One Pilots
12.  The Run and Go-Twenty One Pilots
13.  The Hills-The Weeknd
14.  Victorious-Panic! At the Disco
15.  Boogie Shoes-KC & The Sunshine Band
16.  Come and Get Your Love-Redbone
17.  Hooked on a Feeling-Blue Swede
18.  Feralicious-Fergie (Singing this one word for word is a MAJOR key to success.  If you don't hit the rap part, you might as well just quit running forever.)
19.  Hallelujah-Panic! At the Disco
20.  U + Ur Hand-Pink
21.  Good To Be Alive-Andy Grammar
22.  On Top of the World-Imagine Dragons (Tradition since my first year at Arcadia when my teammates Emily, Ali, and Annie played it on repeat all weekend)
23.  Back in Black-AC/DC
24.  Pumpin Blood-NONONO
25.  Middle Distance Runner-Sea Wolf
26.  Centuries-Fall Out Boy
27.  Blame It On Me-George Ezra
28.  Miracle Mile-Cold War Kids
29.  Cats and Dogs-The Head and the Heart
30.  All of You-Betty Who
31.  Just Like Me-Betty Who
32.  Shut Up and Dance-WALK THE MOON
33.  Work This Body-WALK THE MOON
34.  Favorite Record-Fall Out Boy
35.  Toothbrush-DNCE
36.  Love in the Middle of a Firefight-Dillon Francis, Brendon Urie
37.  Hell No-Ingrid Michaelson
38.  Cold Water-Major Lazer ft. Justin Bieber
39.  Heavy-Birdtalker
40.  Chocolate-Landon Austin
41.  The Ocean-Mike Perry
42.  Make Out-Julia Nunes
43.  I Want Crazy-Hunter Hayes
44.  Girl-Jukebox the Ghost
45.  I Wanna Dance with Somebody-Whitney Houston
For best results, play on shuffle starting anywhere from one to three hours before the beginning of competition.  There is one other song that I listen to last before every race, but the individual who introduced me to it has sworn me to secrecy because it is a very well-kept secret on their team that has been handed down for centuries, give or take a few years.

Team bonding trip up Hyalite

Now that you've got that information, let's talk running and skewl for just a second.  This year is going to be pretty darn great for the bobcats.  We are going into the season tied for third in the coaches' poll for the conference meet, and you'd best believe we have big plans to move up.  Since we have such a young team, I think we can really upset the rankings, since no one really knows what to expect from all of the new freshmen.  We had our time trial this last Saturday, and four of our top seven based off of that are newcomers which makes me excited for not only this year, but the future of the program.  The new girls are all absolutely fantastic-Not only do they work hard and support each other in the sport, but they are all also incredibly quirky and fun.  This team is definitely not your typical division one team, but I mean that in a good way.  We keep the competitive edge and drive to succeed, but we also throw in some very unique personalities and a whole lot of goofiness.
As for my individual plans/goals for this year, I think it's going to be a big one.  As far as academics go, it's definitely going to be tough since this is my last year of prerequisite classes before I get to do the really fun exercise science classes like abnormal psych and anatomy.  This semester, I'll be in physics, statistics, cellular/molecular biology, and American popular music (Arts credits, what can ya do?).  It's been one week, and there is already a constant dialogue of a panicked pterodactyl shriek running through my mind anytime someone mentions the word "education".  While I was doing my homework today, I seriously considered switching majors at least five times.  On the running side of things, life is much less terrifying.  This last summer was probably the best consistent training block I've ever had, and it's got me stoked as can be for the upcoming season.  I hit my peak mileage at 65 miles a week the last three weeks of summer, and dropped back down to 55 the first week of school.  I'll probably stay at 60 through most of the season.  It was strange thinking back to last summer because when coach said to hit 55 miles a week anytime during the season, I thought I was actually going to die.  Last week when I only got to do 55, I wanted to light myself on fire because I felt like I had way too much energy and time on my hands.  And despite the fact that even just eight weeks ago, fifteen mile long runs sounded more like a distant nightmare than anything I could possibly enjoy, they actually feel totally normal now.  I've got some lofty goals for this season, per the usual.  I fully intend to win the Big Sky conference meet this year, as well as qualify for nationals and make the All-American standards.  Hashtag go big or go home.

Trial of Miles, Miles of Trials

It was the best of times, it was the worst of times.
Such is my story every time summer training rolls around.  Summer training is the best!  All you really have to do is run, work, sleep and repeat.  You can build up mileage carefully without fear of overtraining, and you can hit the gym all the dang time.  You can meet with friends that you haven't seen in ages to run with them.  You can do the trails at home that you've missed all year.
Summer training can also be the worst.  It's hot, you don't get to race for three months (!!!), and you start to go a little stir crazy missing your training partner and the town that you learned to love over the last nine months.  Overall though, summer training is always a positive experience.
This year has definitely gone much better than last year due to one small change that I made.  Instead of starting work at seven and running when I finish at four or five (I don't know why I ever thought this was a good idea.), I do my runs at seven before I go in to work, so not only is it much cooler, I'm not worn out from a day of washing windows.  I also have my sister and her husband to train with this year, which has helped a ton.  It's much easier to push workouts when you have people to run them with.  Looking over my training log from this time last year, I'm already pretty far ahead of where I was then fitness wise, and I've been doing much more of the "little things" like foam rolling daily, taking ice baths, actually doing core, strides, and hurdle drills.  Today I did my longest run ever with a fourteen miler, and next week I plan to bump it up one more mile.  I'll also be doing my highest mileage, finishing the week up with 60 miles.  Before the end of summer, it should be up to 65, and hopefully by then these long runs will get more comfortable because right now, they honestly feel a little bit like death.  I think the only upsetting thing about getting up in mileage is the fact that I finish a thirteen or fourteen mile run and start to feel accomplished, then remember that I know some people who are running that every day and cry a little bit.  Other than that, it's all upsides.  You get to eat more, nap more, and buy more running shoes 100% guilt-free.  I'm fairly sure I ate dinner three times the other day and did not have a single regret.  Plus, my friends and I hiked Mt Timpanogos this past Monday, and it was definitely the easiest ascent I've had yet, so I guess we can put "Less whining on hikes" under the list of added bonuses for actually doing summer training right.

The Body Issue(s)*

With summer training, there always comes a few inevitable factors.  The obvious small annoyances, like bugs, heat, and sweat, that we all know and love are some of the first that come to mind.  There is one more concern that comes when temperatures get higher and shorts consequently get shorter:  The body issues.  Suddenly, bodies that have been covered up by layers of tights, long sleeves, and parkas are out in the world and exposed again, and with them emerges the crowd of people who still take issue with an athlete's body.
The first kind of critic comes in two forms:  The person who approves a little too much and the one who says you were asking for whatever harassment you got because of your apparel.  This has been said thousands of times, so I'll keep it brief.  No one wants your nasty comments, and the chances of us responding to your attempts at catcalling when we're already incredibly uncomfortable because distance running is just not a comfortable sport are below zero.  Unless you A) Know me well enough that we've actually had a conversation or B) Are simply supportive of others in their quest for fitness and want to yell something encouraging, please never yell at me (or anyone else for that matter) while we're out trying to get some miles in.  And as for those who say, "Well, you were really asking for _______, going out dressed that way."  No.  This is nonsense, and it needs to stop.  When myself and countless other athletes choose to go out in our tiny shorts and tops, we are not asking for your attention.  We are not seeking your leers, your comments, or your approval (Or lack there of).  Mostly, we are just hoping to making it through another summer workout without being boiled to death in our own sweat.  No one questions it when we run in full-length tights and gloves in the winter, or when we wear bathing suits to a cross-training session at the pool.  This situation should not be viewed any differently.  Wearing activity and weather appropriate clothing should not be made out to be anything more than it is-An attempt to stay comfortable while working out.
The second body issue that has been on my mind for some time now is body image.  Please know going into this that I believe in celebrating and loving all healthy bodies, not just a specific type.  However, I've noticed that not everyone feels the same way.  For some reason, people seem to think that one certain brand of body shaming is absolutely acceptable.  As I'm sure you all realize, many distance athletes are more sharp angles than "curves".  And you know what?  There's absolutely nothing wrong with that, just like there's nothing wrong with being a size 10.  Body-shaming should never be viewed as acceptable, and yet people don't often see a problem with it as long as it doesn't go the way that they typically think of when they hear the phrase "Body shaming".  A glaring example that comes immediately to mind is Meghan Trainor's All About That Bass, which seems to indicate that it is perfectly fine to celebrate and love your body...as long as you are curvy.  If you are a "Skinny b****", as she puts it, you have no right to think of yourself as someone who is beautiful.  Another example of this:  The other day, I was on Facebook and I spotted a photo from someone's fitness Instagram.  You all know the type-A photo of someone pulling their shirt up to reveal a six pack with a caption sharing their workout or diet plan for the day.  Again, I'd like to reiterate:  THIS IS NOT THE ONLY TYPE OF BODY I CONSIDER TO BE BEAUTIFUL.  However, upon reading some of the comments on this young lady's picture, I was highly disturbed.  Some direct quotes went like this:  "No one likes to cuddle a twig.", "If she thinks that's what beauty is, then she has a serious mental issue.", and "Someone just get that girl some ice cream."  Excuse me?  So if someone has a larger figure, we assume that they have no self control, and when someone has a smaller frame we assume that they have some kind of mental disorder?  It's ridiculous.  And telling someone that they are not beautiful because they look differently from you is disgusting.  I have friends who are curvy, and friends who are petite, and I have heard from both sides (and experienced myself) how hurtful it is to be told that your body type is unpleasant to look at.  Especially considering your body shape is not always something that is in your control.  Some people exercise religiously and still have a larger figure, and that's okay.  Some people eat like crazy and can't put on weight, and that's okay too.  So, please do me a favor.  The next time you see someone's body and have any desire to criticize them for it, zip it.  Nobody needs to hear that.  Thanks!  
*Not the one by ESPN you're all thinking of.

Outdoor Season 2016

Hello friends.  I'm sorry it's been 568 years since my last post.  The spring semester was just insanely busy between both track seasons and the end of the school year.  The team got to travel all over the place, which was incredibly fun.  We had several meets here in Bozeman, a few in Missoula, a weekend in Utah, and one in California.  Over the year, my events solidified into the 5k and 3k steeple outdoor, though I only had a chance to race the steeplechase twice and only raced the 5k at conference.  I can definitely see why I wasn't permitted to race the steeple at conference though-in the two times that I ran it, I fell in the water pit the first time and tripped over the barrier the second time.  Someday I'll make it through all three thousand meters without being so closely acquainted with the track.

Conference went fairly well.  It was in Greeley, Colorado at the University of Northern Colorado, which was at about the same elevation as Bozeman.  I finished the season with a seventh place finish at conference, and my converted time there was about two seconds off of my personal best that I ran in California.  I was a little disappointed with my placing, as I still wanted to medal at conference, but I plan to up my mileage over the summer and place at conference starting as soon as possible.  

I will also be racing at the USATF Junior Championships this summer in the 5k on June 24th.  The top two places in each race will be advancing to the junior worlds in Poland at the end of July, so that will be my goal going into this meet.

Outdoor Track=Identity Crisis

The arrival of my first collegiate outdoor season has led to a very serious identity crisis.  Why?  Because I no longer have any idea what I am.  During the fall, I can obviously tell people I am a cross country runner.  I know during indoor season that I am a mile/3k runner.  But so far during outdoor, I have run the 10k and the 5k, and will be running the 1500 and 3k steeple at some point during the season.  That just leaves me with too many options open.  Do I say I'm 1500/steeple?  3k/5k?  What do I tell people?  I'm obviously still distance, but you can't just say, "Oh, I'm on the distance team."  That would be like a tiger saying, "I'm a large cat."  While it is true, there are many types of large cat.  Are you a tiger?  A lion?  An overweight housecat?  It just leaves too many options open.
To narrow it down slightly, I'm almost 150% positive that I am not a 10k runner.  I did race the 10k last week, but it was definitely not my favorite.  My coach tried to subtly sneak the idea past me by saying my options for the week were to do either a tempo on Thursday and speed work on Saturday instead of the meet or do the mile pace work on Thursday then a tempo on Saturday...on the track...in the distance of 10,000 meters.  For some reason, I decided I needed at least one 10k in my resume and that 25 laps weren't really that many.  Although it honestly wasn't nearly as bad as I thought it would be, I also wouldn't say I want it to be my main event.  Around 19 laps, I hit a wall hard and honestly contemplated faking my own death and fleeing the country to avoid finishing, but alas, I had made it that far, and there were people everywhere so I was far too visible to make escape feasible.

The 5k definitely seemed like more of a possibility.  Although yesterday was the first time I've ever raced it on the track, it went fairly well.  I was about two seconds off of a personal best outright, and eleven seconds faster than my previous personal best after altitude conversion.  All in all, it was pretty good, and I think the fact that it was only 12.5 laps instead of the 25 I did the previous week definitely helped.

The 1500 and the 3k steeple have yet to be tested, as I've never raced either event.  I'm both excited and terrified to try the steeple, for reasons I think are obvious.  My greatest fear is that I will take myself out over a barrier and get concussed or something.  Hurdle drills have been going reasonably well in practice, though, so I'm at least 62% sure I won't totally wreck myself.  #prayforlys2k16

Big Sky Conference

This last weekend, Montana State had the opportunity to host the Big Sky Indoor conference championships.  It was definitely nice to have the meet at home for several reasons:
1.  I got to sleep in my own bed
2.  We didn't have to drive to the meet then immediately drive back home after it was done
3.  I got to pretend it was just a normal weekend until I entered the fieldhouse so stress levels were way down
4.  I got to have my normal pre-race cheerios and gatorade in the dining hall

Fellow Southwestern Sasquatch Tyler is in the Big Sky Conference Also

The meet kicked off Thursday morning with the multi events.  They wrapped up on Friday afternoon, when the throwing and jumping events started.  I ran my first event Friday night, competing as the 1600m leg of the distance medley.  My team was shooting for a school record time of 11:57, and although we fell a little short of it, I think my teammates all performed incredibly well, bringing us in with a sixth place finish.

Kenzie and CalDon were able to come out for the race

Saturday wrapped up most of the running events.  My teammate Layne kicked everything off for the distance side of things with another personal best (she's been running faster and faster every week) and a seventh place finish in the mile.  Next, Kaylee absolutely crushed it, winning the 800m (which was her third 800m race in 48 hours because she also ran the distance medley and the 800m prelims).  My last event was the 3k.  Going in, I was ranked 8th and hoping to make the podium so I was fairly nervous.  The race got out fairly slow.  We came through the first mile about 6 seconds behind where I typically do because no one really wanted to take the lead.  It was all packed up for the first 400, then started gradually breaking up.  The first 1k felt laughably easy, but by the time the second one rolled around, I felt like I was just clinging onto the pace for dear life.  I ended up finishing in fourth with a new time of 10:04 (or 9:44 with conversion).  I was fairly conflicted about my finish because I was a little disappointed not to make the podium by one place, but I was very happy to get a new personal best and score points at my first indoor conference.  

I like to think my biceps look massive in this #jokes

I'm really looking forward to my outdoor season now.  This is one of the first season in awhile that I have finished feeling completely fresh and ready to continue running.  Go Cats

Run Fast, Live Fearless

Well folks, it's been quite a ride.  I'm sharing all of this with you today for a friend who is struggling, for a stranger who feels lost, for anyone who needs to know that it does get better.
The last few months have been quite a journey for me.
My freshman year, I transferred schools to Park City.  This was a transition that was obviously better in the long run, but at the time it was one of the most difficult things I had ever done.  Around that time, I began to notice that I was sad quite a bit more than seemed normal, and that I had way more difficulty speaking to new people and making friends than most.  I wrote it off initially, not thinking much of it, but when my older sister graduated at the end of that year leaving me to navigate the rest of high school on my own, it grew a bit more extreme.  I worried about things that most people wouldn't even consider, I felt panicked by the strangest ideas, and even normal tasks such as homework and track workouts stressed me out to the point I would make myself sick thinking about it.  It wasn't until my junior year when I spoke to someone at the school that I realized I was dealing with depression and anxiety.
Putting a name on it should have made it easier to deal with and seek help for, but it only made things more difficult for me.  All I really knew was that there was something wrong with me that made me dislike myself a great deal at times, doubt myself, doubt relationships and friendships, and fear what the future would hold.  I didn't want anyone in my life to know because I worried that they would think of me differently, view me as being weak, or treat me like a freak because I had an imbalance of chemicals in my noggin.  I was blessed with some understanding friends who were willing to listen and help, and they made a world of difference.
The funny thing about running, depression, anxiety, and me is that they all either worked with each other or against each other.  This two-headed monster of depression and anxiety can make life in general hard without the added pressure of competitive athletics.  Distance running is already a very draining, trying sport, both mentally and physically.  When the three came together, it was miserable.  I might have known full well what I was capable of, but the nasty little voice in my head was constantly there whispering that I would never be good enough, fast enough, skinny enough, strong enough.  The anxiety I felt going into competitions was almost crippling-anxiety attacks before races would leave me still shaking as the gun went off-and the depression I felt when I got overtrained or didn't perform well was terrible.  At the same time, there were some days when running was one of the few things that kept me sane.  That hour or two a day when I got to forget about the things that made me worry and just run were such a gift.  More often than not, running made me happy, and not just because of the flood of endorphins that came with it (although they definitely helped).  Running just has this amazing ability to build your confidence in yourself and help you see the beautiful things about the world.
Fast forward a bit to last fall.  In the past, I've always been surrounded by wonderful people who helped guide me through things.  Now here I was in a new place full of new people who had no idea about the man behind the curtain who made me forget I had value, and I was too afraid of what they might think of me if they knew.  For some time after I moved to Bozeman, he and I waged war inside my head.  One night, after a few disasters came together at once, after another day of questioning why I was trying so hard, why I was so upset for no reason, wondering what I had done to cause roommate #3 to move out, and worrying incessantly about the future and things completely out of my control, I was given some simple advice by a friend.  "Run fast, live fearless."  At the time, I just laughed.  It was the dumbest thing I had ever heard.  If it were only that easy, I would have had a breakthrough years ago.  But for some reason, that silly little phrase lodged in my head and would not leave.  I continued thinking about it for days.  Live fearless.  What would that be like?  Finally, something happened.  To call it an epiphany seems corny at best, but that's how it felt.  What is the point of worrying all the time about what could go wrong, about what other people think of me, about what outside expectations for me are?  I have it pretty good.  I get to be here running D1, I get to go to my first choice of colleges, and I get to be around all of these amazing people all the time.  Yes, I have had some negative experiences, but that does not make me less of a person.  I am a human being with infinite value, and no one, not even myself, should be able to tell me otherwise.  That's not to say that all of the struggles and challenges went away-there are still days when it is a fight with my brain to remind myself that I am in control and that I don't need to be worried or sad because life is amazing.  But it helps to remember that I have people behind me who support and love me, I have a very long list of things that make me smile, and I have some lofty goals to pursue whether they are realistic or not, because whether or not I get them doesn't matter.  It just matters that I put myself out there and tried for them.  If it works out, wonderful.  If not, I can move on to the next thing I want to chase.  So, I guess I simply don't have time to be held back by depression or anxiety or anything else that might want me to seem less than I am.
To those out there who might still be struggling, it gets better.  Little by little, you will meet the right people, receive the right opportunities, hear the right things, and experience the right change of perspective.  It may be hard right now, but hold on.  Because there are so many good things waiting in your future.  Your past experiences never have to define you, and never does some difference in brain chemistry that tricks you into believing you are somehow damaged.

First Collegiate Track Meet

So I didn't realize this until about the middle of my warmup, but yesterday was my first collegiate track meet!  It definitely felt a lot more relaxed than most of my high school meets.  So far I've noticed that collegiate meets are typically smaller than the average high school meet (at least until you start getting into conference, region, and nationals), but the competition is quite a bit tougher.  Yesterday, Montana State faced off against U of Montana, Utah State, and Idaho State.  It was nice to finally get a race in.  I haven't raced officially since regionals, and since they didn't go as well as I wanted, I felt like I was in a bit of a slump.
Going into this race, I was pretty confident.  The team had a great tempo workout on Wednesday, so I think we were all ready for an even better race Friday.  I raced the 3k, which is typically very familiar territory, but since I was focused on the mile my senior track season and only raced the 3200 at Simplot and state, I struggled a little remembering how to pace it.  One of the girls who would definitely have been a tough competitor and helped push the pace, Kashley Carter of Utah State, had to withdraw before the race due to some problems with her achilles.  Since my coach and I had originally planned for me to pace off of her, we had to change strategy last minute.  I ended up leading from the gun and aimed for 40-41 seconds per lap.  The pace felt reasonably easy up until the last 800m, but considering I haven't raced the 3k in quite awhile, I was happy to finish in 10:11.
Our next stop will be a duel meet against Wyoming this Saturday, where I will be racing the mile.  It'll be interesting to see what I can run right now.  I am hoping to qualify for conference in both the mile and the 3k this year, so here's hoping that the girls will drop a fast mile time and drag me along with them.